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Well this is natural i guess, and these are all mental barriers we have to overcome. I learnt to control my feelings and not let myself get too upset at times, and i realised that i have matured. Haa. I realised, that professional this word makes one 'eyes red' (well understand it in chinese). I do feel that way too, but i know it is impossible. My only aim now is to practise as much as i can, i want to enjoy my own music and not let it become so competitive that in the end, the music isn't as pure as what i have expected. This is what happens to alot of musicians now, their aim isn't music, but purely competition, which isn't healthy at all. I was fretting over a particular problem these week, and i decided to discuss with someone i think can help. I asked michelle, and weikang. Weikang gave me a very new perspective in that matter which i never ever thought i could actually do that. Thanks weikang! I sort of know what yo do, and i believe maybe i could take in his suggestion, let's see how about that ba. I feel sad when i couldn't help my friends when they are down. I feel very useless. When michelle is depressed, i tried my best already, but she wasn't really helped. Nic always feel sad after sectionals but i already tried whatever i could to help him. I guess i wasn't a good helper. I hope all of you guys are happy.. |