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But i didnt. I didnt take precautions, knowing that the fret might come out anytime 10 minutes before the performance. I feel so malu that i allow such mistakes to come out of me. Such playing.. Is seriously so... But the front part, i managed to played it quite ok, 80%. I was just not careful. I waited at the backstage, thinking how would i perform if it is me.. But i appeared to perform very lousy. I cannot say anything anymore. It is my fault. This is definitely not my standard, i wasted the behind part, i didnt plan to play that way. Honestly when it went to the back part of su, i was very affected by the fret and i didnt played the parts well at all. I just want to get over with it, just want the song to continue. Till behind, the very last part, i decided to brace myself up. But because of the fret, i stopped for a short while. I was very sad. Why i would do that, especially when i have performed solos so many times. I thought this solo will be the best, cause i am confident of playing a relative good su.. I failed to play the whole song well, but i know the front part of su i wasnt that lousy, instead i didnt think i was lousy in the front. Just that in the start the fret was already a burden to me, so i have been thinking how to avoid the fret. I have been thinking too much.. In all, i still want to thank friends for coming to support me. Thanks jingxuan and qianwen for coming and giving me the encouragement even if it ended that way. Why didnt i mention 36? Cause it was crap to me. When they restick the fret back for me, i didnt know how it sounded like till i went the stage. How drama. The sound was ATROCIOUS, and i had no will to continue the song. Nic was too nervous and wasnt actually looking at me during important times. Nick blamed himself for the lousy performance, but it wasnt him. It was all our fault. Too many things happened yesterday. I feel so lousy about performing, so lousy about myself.. I want to thank jere, for coming to support me! Especially when he should be practising at home cause his peacock is next week! I want to thank yiqing, for understanding me, trying not to demoralise me even if she knows how well i played yesterday. I want to thank ivan, for the 2 sets of flowers even if i know 1 of them is for kwuan boon. I want to thank chunmei, for making me feel happier when i was feeling super down yesterday.. Thank you nick, for everything. For accompanying me, for playing duet with me. Results sometimes dont matter, process does. At least all of us learnt something from this performance right? Thanks jiayan for coming, although i know u didnt come to watch me mainly. Thx for the msg of concern.. i really apprecoate it. Thank you sam. For being so concerned over our everything. Thank you sam for being anxious and coming to the backstage to see how we are doing. Thanks for being so nervous for me when i dropped the fret. I know you are nervous. Thanks for telling me "its ok one" so many many times to make myself feel better. Thanks for making me laugh at the backstage with the sentence "she is scolding me". Thanks for telling me how i fared, being honest with my playing. I have so much to do, i will work hard for myself :) Sometimes i think my teacher is quite cute. Haa. we met sam in city area (dont ask why its a long story..) Then he suddenly become very depressed, very sad. He met us to chat for a while and he went tampines so he accompanied me to take train home. But who knows, i accompanied him to tanah merah.. He wasnt so demoralised already. I dont know why he so depressed.. especially when he getting phD soon. Haa. Quarter life crisis, as what he said.. |