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并不是哪一种生气的激动。 激动，是一种抒发情感的表达吧。。 我，有一点脆弱。 A rainy day = lethargic day. A day, that i dont really want to do much. I dont know how i passed my today. Project always have last minute changes. There are always excuses to delaying the meeting. When i told her my part of story, she lost her temper. I dont know what she wants. i cant be bothered le. Practice also didnt amount to much, i spent my time daydreaming alot. So i told myself, "practice later xueqi, you are not concentrating". I got a job! Not superbly happy, i just earn money for the sake of paying my debts. So funny. And i cant be spending too much money in front of my mum, so i have to pay back sam bits by bits.. Well she doesnt know i sent my pipa to china. I decided not to say. I have to pay for so much, phone bills, pipa fees, music theory fees. Goodness, what have i become? And i have to save for music theory exam, pipa grade exam, competition money wise.. so many things i have to save for. I feel so heavy, the burden on my back.. I feel that i am swimming in the middle of a pool and i am struggling to learn to swim.. Why do i feel so helpless all of a sudden? I feel as if suddenly, i may sink to the bottom of the pool, and maybe no one will know that i am sinking deep. Such helpless feeling coming from within myself, what can i do? You can say i am depressed, i am thinking so much.. You can say i add problems to myself. I dont think negative. I dont have to swear to anyone whether i have to be a positive or negative person. I just felt that so many things are coming down. When july or august reaches, i have to feed myself. Feed myself.. To pay for my own transport, to pay for my own meals, my own spenditure.. Can relief teaching sustain my income? Money.. It is such a practical thing in life.. And learning music, makes me have to handle more of this burden... Speaking back of my job. I will be working as admin assistant :) for ntuc income childcare :) |